suicide bomber virus kills 11 in pakistan but who cares about more dead brown people anyway Stocks and shares tumble on world markets bankers laff and rubb their hands in glee In the UK flood crisis obliterates international news coverage as many people get really wet with water welcome to the fuckin news Im tough but fair here are the headlies tonight

Theplanets fucked its your fault and its getting worse no action required to maintain these circumstances President Bush derides conspiracy theories over Secret Tri-nattion Jelly bean streamlining summit In the UK British troops claim Iraqi war is unwinnable and were the ones to proudly not win it for the queen Hello complacent masses, welcome to the fukin news Im deep fried here are tonights headlies